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| On the other hand, I could walk outside and sidle up to the dragon’s car, and talk for awhile. I could choose to look at, or at least glance at, worst case scenario. I could pray, believing God could heal me, believing that God could do anything, but at the same time, not demanding that healing. Not blaming myself for not praying just right. I could choose to stop and embrace the chaos I was feeling inside. I could cry. I chose to cry. I chose to talk to the red dragons outside my door, and I think I did the right thing. They weren’t as scary as I thought they were. Sitting in the depths didn’t kill me after all. I survived the chaos, even though I didn’t enjoy one minute of it. So the red dragons weren’t so bad after all. But am I only thinking this because the medical report brought good news? Turns out I’m healthy and there really is no threat. Do the red dragons seem so tame because they went away so fast? Good question. I would never choose to go through what I’ve been through this month. And I can’t say that the spiritual growth I gained this month could only have come in this chaotic way. I just don’t know. But I do know that I found God in a new way, and that God was in the weeping, and that I feel full of joy right now. Real joy that didn’t bypass the red dragons. There are still red dragons outside my door—there always have been—and now I think I’m more ready to admit they’re there. I don’t have to pretend as much as I did before. Something happened to me that I’m still reflectiI’ve been weeping. Now I’m rejoicing. |
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