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| The next thoughts that engulf me go something like this: “I can’t do that. I’ve got a family to provide for. It’s too radical. Nobody else is doing that.” And maybe more than anything else, I think, “I don’t want to do that.” Yes, I reason in my head, yes, God is worth more than all my possessions. But if that is true, then, why don’t I sell all my stuff? One day several years ago I was reading this chapter and I ran across this parable again. I sighed as I read it. I wanted so much to take this passage seriously (I still do). I stopped and waited in the silence. And while I don’t remember actually saying a prayer, God heard my confusion, desire and guilt, and led me back to the printed page. “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls; on finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.” “Who do you think the pearl is, Michele?” I heard a voice inside me ask. Who do you think is the merchant? And then I heard, not a literal voice, but deep inside me, the voice of God, saying to me, “Michele, I am the merchant. Michele, you are the pearl.” My eyes welled up in tears. All this time, all the time I thought I was supposed to be the merchant. God sold everything …for me? Now I know why some people joyfully, almost gleefully, give away all their earthly possessions. They know the secret. God is the first merchant. God makes the first sacrifice. And they—we—are the pearl. I am God’s pearl. Continued... |
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