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| And then there’s the fear issue. Like my anger, I’m afraid of a thousand things. Big things like cancer. Little things like my hair getting thinner (or is my hair falling out because I’m afraid?) I’m afraid of stupid things like losing my passport or tripping on the sidewalk. I’m afraid of more substantial issues like missing what God has in store for me. I’m afraid I’ll do something dumb and hurt the people I love. I’m afraid of failure. My fear and my anger, of course, are connected. My fears fuel an unhealthy desire to control people and situations, especially people and situations that are really better left up to God. And then, when I lose control—or lose my illusion of being in control—I get angry. Sometimes I get angry with God. If God is all-powerful and all loving, then why do bad things happen to good people? Why do bad things happen to me? And God, being truly all-loving and all-powerful, holds me and says . . . (hold it . . it’s coming . . .I think … well?) Nope. Nothing. No answer. I keep asking this question and nothing comes. The Bible speaks to me— —“My ways are higher than your ways” Is. 55:8-9— —“All things work together for the good of those who love God … ” Rom. 8:28— but sometimes those verses don’t give me the answers I want. Am I asking too much? And then I read some of the Psalms, where other people rail at God too. Psalm 44 tells the story of a people abandoned by God, even though they had done nothing wrong. Or is that only their version of the story? Psalm 73 laments that the wicked seem to thrive and the righteous have trouble after trouble. But then after the psalmist sits in the sanctuary awhile, he sees that this injustice is only temporary. Psalm 88 cries the blues. And there is no answer, no hope, no solution in the end. Continued... |
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